I didn't make this up... its all true, i just copied it :oD
enjoy the mad goings on hehe
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Gaz (ME) is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Andre (D-MACK). So everyone please put your hands together for Gaz!

Jerry: Okay, now Gaz you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

Gaz: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person’s name?

Gaz: Kerry (BABYJOKER.).

The crowd SQUEALS with delight.

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Kerry is actually here tonight -

The crowd SQUEALS.

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Gaz, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Jess (MAD.ERIN)!

Gaz: What the HELL!!!

Out of nowhere you pull out a water balloon. Jess reaches for the manky old piano. Out of the shadows Heva (xHEVAx) appears.

Heva: Wait everybody wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Jess.

Jess: Because I saw Gaz and Heva making out at Teen on Moppy!

The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.

Heva: That's a lie! I was home watching old repeats of Eldarado!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Jess?

Jess: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Andre who has recently become engaged to Heva.

The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Andre out here because Gaz had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Kerry that's right!

Andre: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Kerry! You know I'm how I feel about Kerry!

Heva: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Kerry!

Andre: Because I knew that I could never have Kerry. But Gaz promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Heva: What about respect for MY feelings!

Jess walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Andre.

Jess: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

Again the crowd SQUEALS.

Heva: Oh my God! Are you SICK!

Heva runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.

Heva: Gaz take me away from all of this!

Gaz: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...

The crowd does its bit.

Heva: Married?

Gaz nods.

Heva: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!

Gaz: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Kerry.

Andre: (screaming) WHAT!!!

Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?

Kerry: (stepping back out onto centre stage) Well we had sex 173 times if that's what you mean.

The crowd squeals.

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Gaz is married to Kerry who Andre has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Andre has recently become engaged to Heva who was recently spotted kissing Gaz in the Teen on Moppy. Now on top of this Jess has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Andre.

Kerry: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.

Queue cheesy background music and fade to black.